I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
