sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
