what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
