Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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