So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
