He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
