So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
