The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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