went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
