I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
PANTIES FOUND
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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