i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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