remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
