I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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