just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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