like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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