shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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