I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize