We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
