So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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