what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
