I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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