Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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