It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
