It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Couch. On fire.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
