How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
