saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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