This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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