all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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