a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
