I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
