she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
