nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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