can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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