I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
