My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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