i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
