when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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