Jerry, you need to find god
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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