They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
