Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
