Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
