you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize