he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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