so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
