I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
