Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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