she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize