i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
