Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
