So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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