Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
