Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
