omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
