it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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