you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
