tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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