My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
