So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
