You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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