I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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