If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize