All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
