Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize