tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can I color on your dick again?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
