i just wanna soil my oats bro
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize