We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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