Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
