It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
