She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
