I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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