So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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