I look better un-naked...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize