what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
