She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
