you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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