So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This girl is more easily done than said...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
