hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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