her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
