I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
