That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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